Brief Memories

Even though there are so many memories, which I might even story tell later. Sitting on the park bench. Swinging on the swings. Sneaking out at night. Staying up until the sun rose. Getting ice cream. Riding in your truck. Practicing stick shift. Canoeing on the lake. Watching old movies. Walking your dog. Taking the train ride up to see you. Opening the door to see your face. Watching your car drive out of the driveway. All those skype video chat sessions. Not knowing you more than just your name and your face. Knowing you more about you than I would've liked to. Sleeping next to your warm body. Holding your hand. Cooking dinner with you. Waking up to find you already gone. Taking pictures. And videos. Playing games. Challenging each other to truth or dare. Clinging on to your arm when walking late at night. Taking visits to the school in the dark. Watching anime. Going to anime conventions. Seeing those paper cranes...Hearing you say I love you. Too embarrassed to say it back. Teasing you. Being teased. Sharing dreams. And story ideas. Drawings. Visiting your grandparents. Being yelled at by mom while you were there. Snow drifting outside the window while curled up safe and warm. Staying too late, when we know we should go. Going to the wedding. Watching you do the backflip to impress the small crowd. You, offering snacks. Blushing as you came to see me and my friend. Not letting you come between me and said friend. First dance, to make my then current crush jealous. Turning you down. First date at the movies. And Taco Bell. Giving you the heart shaped rock. The summer emails while you were in Maine. Making fun of you for liking step mania. Then becoming obsessed with it myself. First prom. And second. First break-up. And second. Moving into my college dorm with you helping. Having you be the only person, up until recently, to cry when watching you depart. Counting the steps you took. Tugging on your shirt, begging you to stay early that morning. Having you hand me your t-shirt. Wearing it down to shreds. Crying into that toy puppy you gave me. The treasure hunt for your sword. The joy I felt when getting my bow from you. The disappointment in not being able to use it. Worrying about you on your train rides. Fearing I wouldn't make it to you during mine. Yelling at you for falling asleep at 4 in the morning while chatting. Not wanting to end conversations. Wishing you a Merry Christmas. Getting all those valentines from you. Never taking up the chance to have you teach me blacksmithing. Forcing you to watch romance anime. And movies. Lying awake, looking around your familiar bedroom. With the picture of us on your cork board. Going to your family gatherings. Me being awkward there. Never having experienced such an event in such a long time with my own family. Watching you play. Sleep. Drive. Talk big about dreams. Watching you watch me as you lifeguard. Losing all the jewelry we gave each other. Countless necklaces and rings...The morning notes you left me. Mwa. and XOXO. Me suffering. Thinking I was so alone. You always being there anyway. Keeping me strong. Me fighting for you...running after you. Listening to you sing. Cringing. Humming you to sleep. Pushing your hand away. Watching sci-fi. Not admitting I liked it. Being poor, but happy. Living in a house surrounded with animals. Walking the hour walk up and down the hill to work. Countless shopping expeditions. All those nicknames. Never deciding on just one. Antonio's pizza. Trying to write a fic. Failing at the plot. Never taking the bow out once and practicing together. Fourth of July Fireworks. Plans to go to Maine. Never making it there. You being sick, and me pretending not to care, really, feeling scared...You telling me to donate blood. Being in the hospital, feeling so miserable and lonely. Shopping for groceries. Working in the yard. Berries in a bowl that one morning. Ducking to avoid your arm around me. Holding your cold hand in the winter. Coughing because of morning breath. Feeling your weight on me. Feeling too warm. Wishing I could feel it so bad. The mangas left as presents. The first, awkward kiss. Losing my cell at the anime convention. You buying a new one for me. Offering to make me a dress for a birthday present. The three things you'd want the most. A giant library, an astroid. And me never being able to remember the third. Me eating the gum out of your car. Singing along to the radio. You and your oldies. And books on tape. You and me...loving the dragon and the phoenix. Me not once, coming to see a wrestling match. Seeing you only once in a lax and soccer match. Me refusing to help with putting together the comforter. You telling really bad, dumb jokes. Me, laughing anyways. Me play-punching the side of your arm. Complaining about you not having shaved. You cringing, at me giving you a hair cut. Urging you to study Japanese. Both of us, equally worried about college. And future jobs. Your first house. Then moving to your second. Me moving, that cold winter. Getting snail mail in the metal mailbox. Your messy, illegible handwriting...sitting on the cold floor, deciding to be bf and gf...wanting the joy...not knowing the pain that was ahead of us...you paying for a lot of things for me...those tag sales. Picking up rusty rail road spikes. Having you curl up beside me, coming in from a cold, cold day. Laying out in the grass on that warm sunny day in your backyard. Sneaking up to bed, too late in the morning. Wondering what you're doing. If you think about me at all. Making fun of your clothes. Fixing my hair, as I step off the train. Almost getting run over, because you wanted that hug. Saying good-bye. You saying "we'll see each other again, don't worry." Not knowing that last time...might have been The last time. Wondering why, only after you're gone, has my love for you grown. As well as the pain that comes with it. Having dreams of you. Only to wake up and find you gone. Hoping, somewhere, deep in your heart, you still love me and are waiting for me. Looking out the window...hoping...trying so hard to visualize and hear your white truck...pulling into the driveway...not knowing how long I will feel this way. Hearing your name everywhere...seeing your face..everywhere...Life itself in all aspects, everything that makes up my world, reminding me of you...and knowing that, hurting, so much...